20.2.12

Clocks and Arrows

Many times I've been told that love is not so much a matter of fate as that of timing. It's all about the when, not the who (that handsome or not quite that handsome but oh so sweet guy), not the why (he's so funny, charming, brilliant blah blah), not the where (oh the scenic backdrop to this fantasy must be something that either contradicts it or compliments it perfectly!), just the when. This perfect timing either refers to a particular point in your life where you're more likely to want a relationship, a particular seasoned age or in my case it could refer to a particular time of the day (read: when I'm full of food and happy).

Mostly though, I think it refers to when the readiness of both involved parties are totally in sync. You're there? Oh shit well so am I. Let's do this. Basically. Otherwise we find ourselves in situations where we are completely exposed and vulnerable and likely to be shut. the. fuck. down. There has probably been at least one instance in your life where you put yourself out there for someone telling them how you feel and they either straight up rejected you or let you down nice and easy. And up until that point you were always of the "Just take a chance" mentality. Funny how the information we receive all comes back to us based on our situation at the time. When you're gearing up to tell this person how you feel (la vie en rose!) you remember things like "It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all" and "wear your heart on your sleeve" and the list goes on. You tell yourself, "what's the worst that could happen right?" then you say how you feel, the compulsory awkward silence progresses into you feeling like you may be experiencing a heart attack and then...words. None of which you want to hear but at least you know you're not indeed deaf from the silence right? And when you do start remembering how to speak the English language you start feeling the weight of this monumental rejection all but turning you into a pulpy mass of your former self. In short - the worst that could happen has indeed happened. Uppercut.

Suddenly you remember the wise words of the prophets Pharcyde who said, "I guess a twinkle in her eye is just a twinkle in her eye." These and other relevant words which you've unconsciously recited time and time again suddenly begin reinforcing themselves in your memory. Too late. I've come to the realisation that this can all be traced back to the things we were taught growing up. We are at once being encouraged to be brave and be careful. To be open and be guarded. As such, we often mix shit up. We're careful when we should be brave and sometimes brave when we should have a seat. The same applies to love; you're too careful and you let an amazing person come in and walk right out of your life. You can never go back. And will likely never learn. Then you take a chance and fall flat on your face. Oh why wasn't I more careful that one time and save myself some teeth? And this will be the case again and again until yet another potential mishap happens at just the right time and then...tah-dah! Love.

Mark Twain said, "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."

It's all just a hit and miss, not so?

Your miss-miss-misser,

Allycat














Image from Andertoons.com

2 comments:

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  2. Great writing ! Can't wait to read more. You're fantastic ! Love ya.

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